Wednesday, April 13, 2011

5 days

Have you ever wanted to fall on your knees, cry and beg God for answers? That's where I've been frequently over the last 5 days.

I know He has a plan, and it's not our place to question that plan. But I'm not perfect, and I'm questioning that plan. Does it make me a hypocrite? I don't particularly care at this moment.

I have seen unspeakable things in 5 short days, but I to speak about them to you. My heart is breaking, and I need to get some of this out before I shatter.

I held the hand of a 12 year old girl, as she sat stoically and explained how she became pregnant by her father.

I held a sobbing, shocked and angry mom as she tried to listen to that girl. She is still terrified that she "let this happen" to her baby. No one knew, until I asked the girl where her bruises came from, and why she looked so sad.

That mom and daughter? They are facing years of questions, emotions, stares, nightmares and therapy. What will become of the baby? I don't honestly know, because its fate has yet to be determined. What will happen to the "father?" a few years of prison, maybe. MAYBE.

I will NOT tell you the graphic things that I WANT to happen to him. He doesn't deserve that much of my time.

And we've all been reading about the mom who drove off of a bridge, killing herself and 3 of her kids. Tragedy seems to be leaking out of the deep lines carved into the canvas of mother nature's ancient trees.

To add a massive dose of tissue filled crying to your otherwise "normal" day, this morning I received a phone call. A pastor asked me to sing at a funeral. Gratis, because I refuse to take money for giving of the gift God gave me.

And then, he told me it was a baby. A little boy. Let's just let that sink in a moment.

I'm not going to give details on why this precious child passed, privacy and respect for the grieving family are paramount. But it's very, very sad. And I couldn't say no.

These are all things that make me want to hold my little boy. I want to keep jim home from school, and never let him out of my sight. Five days of heart squeezing, cheek kissing and hand holding...to help heal what's been broken.

I know that five days of smothering my child with hugs and kisses will not change the last five days, but I'm holding on to it. I'm holding on to the hope and love he brings me. And I'm holding on tight.

--Sandi BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

1 comment:

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

It's hard to understand the reason behind such things. I'll say a prayer for those families.