Friday, January 7, 2011

Bad week

As I lay here listening the bubbly sounding breathing of my little boys slumber, I cannot help but wish this week had been different. I know in my heart that so many other families are going through much worse than I can ever imagine. I just know I am so tired of dr offices.

I've spent at least 20 hrs this week in dr offices. And that does not include drive time or pharmacy time. So many awful things are happening to my body. And yet I'm laying here distraught because I'm worried that my little one is going to choke on snot. I hate it when he is sick.

It's not that I don't want to take care of him, because I do. I'm in anguish because it physically and mentally pains me to see him so puny. I want him healthy. I can't sleep, because I'm so worried about listening to his breathing. I wear myself down, making sure he is comfortable. I forget to eat trying to make sure he is taking in enough nutrition and fluids. I even force myself to hold my "bodily functions." (those of us less refined like to call it piss and poop!) I know what I am doing is wrong, I have a very painful UTI right now to prove it.

I know that I need to take better care of myself, or I won't be able to care for him. But still, every time he gets sick like with this bronchitis, I continue to abuse what little function I have left of my battered body. How do I stop this cycle? How do I walk away from him to go to the bathroom? What if something happens to him while I'm selfishly relieving myself? Should I not just suffer through it for his sake?

Give me some insight, please. I need your comments, no matter how harsh you think you may need to be. I need help. Maybe what you have to say will be the words I need to hear for a breakthrough.

Toodles....from his bedside (on iPhone)....sandi BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop


Mommafo said...

Ohhh how sad. :( You've got to remember, you can't do much to help him while he's sleeping. Sleeping is the best way for him to heal. And, you're only half as good of a mom as you could be if you're only functioning at 50%. Take care of Mommy too. *long distance hugs*

Danielle said...

I know this is easier said than done, but if you are taking care of yourself, eating enough, getting enough sleep, etc, then you will be at tip top shape to take care of your son. I am sympathetic to your frustration and hope you are able to find some peace with this.

Susie Kline said...

The worst thing is when one of our kids is sick. But I agree, you need to take care of yourself. Still...

I hope all is well by now and you're all healthy and well!

xo Susie